I Survived!

The Holidays, Holland, John "the British are coming" Moore, snow, and winter had knocked me out for a while. Also too much socializing, drinking and eating. Oh the eating! All my favorites back in LA (Fatburger, In and Out Burger) then the BBQ and the Tex Mex in San Antonio (Aye)(lots!)Then of course all the mayonnaise, french fries and "food" back here in Holland! And, of course, for a finale to the Holidays, having John "the Vodka swigging Englishman" turning our home into his personal Fish and Chip Pub Shop. Alcohol and fried food. Lovely. I actually slipped on our kitchen for a moment from his french fry grease!

God challenged the beginning of my New Year with a snow storm. Ironically not here in Holland but in England. How is this a challenge you ask? Well the huge storm came while John was visiting. Extending his already lengthy visit by THREE days! Actually I did better with John this time. I did not hit him with a frying pan. I learned a lot about how to entertain him and the English. I ran to the store often for Vodka. I made sure he always had the remote control and that he was aware we had four BBC channels. Booze and BBC keeps the English happy. I could still hear him commenting or laughing (with his Dudley Moore from Arthur loud laugh) at all hours of the night but my "visualizing the lotus" meditation came in handy at these times.

Actually I saw that THIS trip was taken it's toll on John too. He always looks tired and haggered after a few days here I have thought but this time his body started to give out. We sat in the living room watching BBC. John with his eighth Vodka (with 7-Up NOT Sprite and a splash of Orange Juice) (The British are very proper with their booze), I with my hot tea, when suddenly John stood up (as best he could) and announced slurringly that he was going to the Winkel (Dutch corner store) for some Cigarettes and Chocolate. I knew better then to even try and stop him. Of course he stumbles out without a coat and its freezing outside and it is also snowing. The side walk was covered in snow and ice. I just let him go and visualized the Lotus as I heard the door slam shut.

Now the winkel is just around the corner and after five minutes passed I started to worry. (My Lotus was wilting.) Eventually I went to the front door out of concern and when I opened it there was John. Shivering and freezing, palish purple and looking VERY serious while holding on to two chocolate bars and a pack of some European Cigarettes.

"John get in here! What the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped at him

John looked at me and said with a lisp and a British accent "I lost a front tooth" Then he grinned real big to prove it and there it was a giant hole where his front tooth used to be.

Now I am not sure exactly what happened but....

I think John wandered from the winkel and got a little lost, forgot his lighter so he couldn't smoke and so he decided to bite into his chocolate bar which was now frozen from the cold.

He claims he slipped and fell on the ice (he told me to say that when I was to write about this.)

Later he changed it to "Ken slammed the door in my face when he(Ken) forced me(John) to go out and get him(Ken) chocolate". Oh...okay.

Jur had no statement about what he thought occurred but didn't mind asking if he could eat John's tooth chipping chocolate bar which I think John thought was very insensitive (I ate some too just not in front of John)

However the tooth loss incident happened John's losing a tooth was enough for him to stop drinking and announce "blizzard or no blizzard I need to get back to Mother England." We spent the rest of the night watching BBC. John covering his mouth. I was allowed to make five jokes about the stereotypes of the quality of English teeth.(Five is not enough.) I even went outside and tried to find his tooth in the snow. I wanted to make a necklace out of it. John laughed at this but covered up his smile with his hands. I wanted to take a photo for you but that was NOT going to happen. At one point I got up and excused myself and went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, flossed and then gargled just out of appreciation for not being John  at this moment.

The next morning I got up to make us coffee and asked John if he would like some. He said "Yesth"

Now he likes lots of cream and about five spoonfuls of sugar. I asked "The usual way?"

"Yesth pleasth" he replied

I simply said (with a smirk) as I whisked away to the kitchen "Sugar is bad for the teeth"

He was so ready to leave. As he left the house I said I was sorry about how things ended and I know he will probably never come back, I know he must be exhausted and sick of us to which he replied "rubbishth, never, oh I'll be back! I loveth it here. Thee you thoon"

So the food, travels, no exercise, booze of all of December and first part of January have left me feeling fat and tired. Jur feels the same. I think. We have had a few "discussions" about how I am not washing our clothes correctly. Apparently I am shrinking Jur's clothes. Okay,that is it, I admit it, I am shrinking Jur's clothes. Enough said.

So now that I am rested I can write and work on my New Years resolutions! Get healthy, write, work more and travel. I have decided to announce to you that I will be adding some stories of my past "Incarnations" on this site (or a link to it) I hope this is okay and you will check them out. Just once a week or so. Stories about New York, Los Angeles, Malaysia, Spain, Texas (of course), my years as Manny Kenbo, the Amish Country, the lengths I have gone to for my devotion to chocolate and perhaps a few private personal "adventures" (someday)(I am still working through these in therapy.)

I will also join a gym AND I applied for a job. Me, a JOB in HOLLAND! This should be fun. I have an interview on Tuesday. I will keep you posted. HINT: It is somewhere that Queen Beatrix has been (or goes) so hopefully I can meet her there and arrange tea time together! I WILL meet her! Jur advised me not to mention any of my Queen Beatrix obsession during my interview. I will try not to.

One final thing, it is snowing here. It has snowed a lot. Not like blizzards or anything just an on again off again light snow for the last couple of weeks. I DISTINCTLY recall Jur and his family saying it does not snow that often in Holland when I was considering my move here. Well it DOES! Jur and his family say this is rare...how lovely and special. I cut my forehead on the snow. Don't ask but I did. Dutch snow is dangerous.