Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Ken the Bakers Diet update. CHIPS are CRUEL

Good Day all.

Okay so let us get down to business. I am dieting, or health changing or life style changing or what ever the heck you want to call it but I am doing it and I am short tempered and resentful. But not all the time and not right now so I owe an update on Ken the dieting American Baker in Holland surrounded by brownies, red velvet cake, cream cheese frosting, cookies, cinnabuns, chocolate chips, cupcakes of all kinds, candy bars and....wait what was I talking about?

Oh the update on the damn diet.... well it is hard.

Actually first off I must confess that  I decided to write this today because my choice was to go jogging or write to you. So I sacrificed my exercise just for YOU. You are welcome.

I have lost seven kilos (about 14 pounds) since December first. Not nearly enough to my goal weight  which is ....none of your business because it is FAR OFF and I am embarrassed. As I get closer I may reveal all the numbers. Even Jur doesn't know.

I prefer to use the American pounds on the scale because saying I lost 14 is way more than 7 and I need all the mental trickery I can get to feel motivated.

Since I started the life change diet I have learned a few things.

1) I have learned that I love chips.  Actually it seems I love all things that start with the letter C.... I lie awake in bed thinking about them. coke, candy, cheese,  chips, crackers, cream, chocolate, cake, cupcakes, cookies, candy..... I considered writing a book called The No C Diet but then realized if I just spoke Dutch or Spanish I could justify eating it. A cake in Dutch or French would be Torte.

Anyway C is bad, C is calories C is carbs.... avoid the C

2) I have learned that a good way to lose weight is to just not eat as much.... duh right?

3) I have learned that I hate number 2 mentioned above

4) I have learned that all the gourmet food at Pure Market http://www.puremarkt.nl/ is the reason I am over weight. They are too delicious for me to handle. There have been no markets in January and none planned in February and being away from all the deliciousness has easily made my lose 3 kilos I suspect.   Jur and I would come home from the market with an abundance of cheeses, bread, BBQ, sauces, wine  and so much more. I refer to those as the good old days. Now all we have is lettuce, Activia, fiber cereal and mustard. I refer to these as the dark days of winter.

5) I calorie count now. There is an app for it on my IPhone!

6) First thing I learned was that Red wine has 150 calories a glass..... I wake up in the morning and immediately subtract 300 for my red wine dinner.

9) All you can eat sushi is very hard to calorie count. VERY HARD. And  calorie counting chips will make you cry. I now have a serious love hate relationship with chips and I think we need to go to couples counseling together. Chips are cruel.

Still a lot to learn and overcome but have confessed enough.

I want to thank each of you reading this who have :
asked me about my diet
or patted me on the belly
glared at me while I was trying to have a private moment to eat something in peace
or to the one who denied me a burger because he thought it was not good for my diet.  (I am not going to name names but his name is Joost and he owns Grill'n Smoke). Their BBQ is delicious but after this incident I question their customer service. http://www.grillnsmoke.nl/node/14
I want to thank all of you who in front of crowds have asked me if I was still dieting,

you are all just wonderful. Just precious

AND I REMEMBER EACH OF YOU ....VERY WELL! I am keeping a journal of each of you. I think of each of you as I sit, cold at night, hungry, clinching my glass of water, counting how many of my approved 8 grapes that I have left to eat for the day.

But all is good, I feel good.

American Baking Company http://www.americanbakingcompany.com/ is good and delicious as ever.

 Oh and next blog I will go into details on my reaction to abdication of Queen Beatrix and the emotional spiral of binge eating it caused me. It involved mayonnaise and cheese and a surprise bag of Doritos. I am not ready to talk about it. And calorie counting the incident was equivalent to an eating walk of shame.

Until the next post I hope you make it a good week and eat something delicious in  my honor. OH PLEASE SEND ME A PHOTO or post it on here!  I will make a collage and add it to the list of things I will eat when I reach my goal. I will live through you.


  1. hahah, seriously you should write a book on dieting. I laughed so hard, i must have burned some calories on the spot. "And calorie counting chips will make you cry" you made my day right there :) i will be enjoying some shanghai nuts now. salute! marcus

  2. Wauw!! I have respect for you!!! I think I couldn't be so strong when I'm working in the bakery every day.
    I thought maybe the blog could stimulate me, but the whoopies are calling me from the freezer... (yummie yummie)
    Hope you will win the battle with the chips, youcan do it!!
    And even though it seems to be a bad customer service from Joost, I would say he wants to keep you as a customer much longer so it's better to keep you off the burgers now, so you can eat them sometime later again. ;-)

    Good luck!!

  3. Wow Ken you are such a good writer and entertainer. I'm looking forward to your writing about Queen Beatrix abdication.
    I'm so proud of you. When I was 17 I was on diet (I've been on a diet great part of my life) and worked in a cookie factory. The Albert Heyn cookie factory... I tasted 1 cookie of each assembly line and not more. But it is totally a different story in your bakery. Every thing is so heavenly delicious.
    I believe in you and I feel happy you think about me!

  4. Ken,you're the best. I feel for you and hope you'll be motivated enough to go on. I'm sure as hell not succeeding in trying to even start a diet, let alone blog about it in the most hilarious way possible! Keep blogging cause you're not only a talented baker but there's also a writer inside of you. Treasure this talent and just keep baking! We'll love you anyway, with or without the pounds. See you at the next Swan market. Love, the Dutch mom

  5. LOL! Keep on going Kenneth! Humor is the best way to beat the c-monster! Good Luck ;-)

  6. 7 kilos is not too bad! Remember: if you lose them fast, they will return fastER! The slower, the better. It gives your body time to adjust. :-)