Confessions of a nobody.
I have recently discovered that I do not seem to care for Russians. I seem to get very angry at them when they praise Putin and say things are great in their country. I allegedly start yelling things about Communism, Pussy Riots, Trillionaires, freedom of expression, plane crashes, Anastasia, Faberge eggs, Gay rights, Caviar being the only good thing from Russia, banning vodka, and Rasputin and it all becomes very passionate. So, until my therapist and I can figure out why I react this way it is best to avoid Russians especially at social events when I have been drinking wine.
My name is Ken Hardy and it has been two weeks since I have had wine and engaged with a Russian.
Also, I confess, I do not have a therapist. Perhaps I need to get a therapist.
I feel tremendous shame that I like to watch the tv show Survivor and see people starve, fight, struggle, lie, steal, and fall apart while I lay on my couch eating Doritos and cheer on their demise. I am like a modern day fat roman eating grapes while watching people kill each other in the arena. Why do I do this? Currently I am blaming the media and Doritos.
I seem to be going to bed earlier and earlier and earlier and I cannot stop it. 10:30 is a wild night these days. I want to be cool again but I am too tired.
I think people that are my age look old and I think many people who are younger than me look old too. I am certain they are lying about their age. I haven't quite figured out what this is all about but it has caused me to stop looking in mirrors and I have begun a vigorous moisturizing regime.
I also seem to have forgotten how old I am. In my defence once we hit the year 2000 the adding and subtracting of my 1900's birth year has become hard and painful. Plus I am not that great at math. I just do not care how old I am. Especially since I am certain everyone else is lying about their age. So when someone tells me how old they are and asks me how old I am I just tell them how old I am compared to how old I think they look. SO THERE!
By the way does anyone else ever think they might be Truman from the Truman Show?
(If this is true, please one of you, I beg of you, break thru and give me a sign.)
Until then I am playing it cool.
Oh and for those of you who watch Modern Family and know the character Cam..... convincing proof that possibly some one is watching me. Sometimes I think my partner Jur is in on it.
I started taking a vitamin combo. My sister in LA told me that her pottery community started taking Vitamin B with fish oil to increase brain function and prevent Alzheimers or something. I cannot remember all of why she said I should take it but there are many reasons that it is good for you brain. When I went to buy the vitamin I was told by the pharmacist to take it in the morning because Vitamin B can give you boosts of extra energy. Well MY GOD it DID! I was so all over the place. I was nervous, jittery, easily agitated........
(which YES may have also played into the Russian arguement incidents) (yes incidentS, it happened more than once) (but not only was a high on Vitamin B, I was dieting, I was HANGRY.....and Russians are so freaking Russian..... a lot played into the Russian incidentS)
........ Anyway, Vitamin B, apparently, is like a strong drug. I went back to the pharmacist and asked him if perhaps there was a milder form of vitamin B. He looked at me as if i were crazy (like I was Truman from the Truman Show, just saying). He very flatly told me "no". He then began to ask me about my eating habits and daily routine. We discovered drinking two expresso coffees in the morning with the vitamin combo is not a good idea. So now all is balanced. Healthy brain function here I come!
My final confession. I have not lost that much weight but I have not gained any. So I am still hopeful and still trying. 72 days till my birthday and my goal weight. I may not know how old I will be but I know what I want to weigh!
Good morning, good evening and good night!
Friday, April 29, 2016
Friday, April 1, 2016
The Struggle is Real
Day 2 of 100
I spent last night alone, in the dark, drinking sleepy time tea, sedating myself to sleep, chanting over and over, it is only 3 months.
it is only three month, 100 days
it is only three month, 100 days, 14 weeks
I even calculated the hours, the minutes, the percentage of those hours and minutes against my average life span. I did a lot of math last night.
I also watched a BBC special about Faberge eggs. It was fascinating. I never watch documentaries. I usually watch cooking shows in Dutch or BBC, which spirals into to googling recipes, then I get hungry. It is a vicious cycle. One that I was avoiding last night. Upon reflection, I have come to realise, that I watch a lot of cooking shows while eating in front of the TV, with cooking magizines sprawled around me, while I plan fictitious party menus.
WELL NO MORE. (for three month, 100 days, 14 weeks)
MY NEW PLAN IS: I am going to take all that time and energy looking at food and recipes and apply it hunting for the missing seven faberge eggs! I will subtract one obsession for another. Faberge eggs are my new food!
As for the rest of yesterday: I did not cheat, I worked out, I ate healthy food and portions. Mt food focus for the day was cooking Pasta Alla Norma! (photo attached) My tweaked version of the recipe. I was excited to cook with Aubergine (Eggplant). If you want this fairly simple healthy recipe hit me back. It was delicious.
The true issue is portion size! THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!
99 days to go. Going out to look for non chocolate shiny eggs, covered in jewels..... and to buy more potent sleepy time tea.
Treat yourself well and eat something delicious for me!
I spent last night alone, in the dark, drinking sleepy time tea, sedating myself to sleep, chanting over and over, it is only 3 months.
it is only three month, 100 days
it is only three month, 100 days, 14 weeks
I even calculated the hours, the minutes, the percentage of those hours and minutes against my average life span. I did a lot of math last night.
I also watched a BBC special about Faberge eggs. It was fascinating. I never watch documentaries. I usually watch cooking shows in Dutch or BBC, which spirals into to googling recipes, then I get hungry. It is a vicious cycle. One that I was avoiding last night. Upon reflection, I have come to realise, that I watch a lot of cooking shows while eating in front of the TV, with cooking magizines sprawled around me, while I plan fictitious party menus.
WELL NO MORE. (for three month, 100 days, 14 weeks)
MY NEW PLAN IS: I am going to take all that time and energy looking at food and recipes and apply it hunting for the missing seven faberge eggs! I will subtract one obsession for another. Faberge eggs are my new food!
As for the rest of yesterday: I did not cheat, I worked out, I ate healthy food and portions. Mt food focus for the day was cooking Pasta Alla Norma! (photo attached) My tweaked version of the recipe. I was excited to cook with Aubergine (Eggplant). If you want this fairly simple healthy recipe hit me back. It was delicious.
The true issue is portion size! THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!
99 days to go. Going out to look for non chocolate shiny eggs, covered in jewels..... and to buy more potent sleepy time tea.
Treat yourself well and eat something delicious for me!
Thursday, March 31, 2016
1 of 100
My Dutch depression update...... My Dutch depression comes and goes (I love Holland)..... but I have a new goal now and so I am changing the name of this blog! Here is why...........
It is 100 days till my 45th birthday and I am giving myself a very special gift and I want to share it with you but before I do......... please note the following:
Those of you who know me, and for those that do not, let me say....... I ADORE FOOD. It is my vice. I wake up thinking about it, dream about, love to talk about it, share it, taste it, buy it, cook it, read about it. It is my obsession. Some people drink, smoke, do drugs, compulsively clean..... I eat.
I am a baker. LIKE A BAKER as in CAREER! My partner and I own a baking company. A delicious, thriving, bakery filled with lovely looking delicacies, that smell of sweet heaven and cinnamon, with pounds of butter, and massive bowls of silky smooth creamy melted chocolate and...... cheesecakes, cookies, cupcakes, brownies, chocolate, sugar, cream........ You would think after five years of working with these things that I might have developed a boredom with them, but no. Nope, Not for Ken. Not in the slightest. Everyday I taste our desserts and I just love them. Every.... damn.....day! What the hell else am I going to do with broken desserts. Yes we eat them! (and yes we give them away too!) (but not before taking a bite or two for ourselves)
Despite all that........ My gift to myself is....... drum role....... a NEW BODY!
I am going to get in shape. I am overweight (no comments please). I blame the desserts and Dutch depression but no matter who is to blame I am tired of feeling bad about being out of shape.
I am going to be a freaking baker on a diet....... ugh. The new blog name is A Baker on a diet (pure hell begins)
I know this will be a challenge and I may kill a few people or start a war. I will try very hard to not hate our skinny dessert eating customers.
I plan to meditate, sleep (sedate myself if I have too), exercise, cut back and fight my way through this. Will you be my witness? Yes, this is a bit embarrassing and I do feel vulnerable in writing it but that is also motivation.
So the Baker is going on a diet........ Day 1 of 100....... March 31st, 2016...... Good morning.
First step.... time to tell Jur (my spouse). He is going to be terrified. Keep you posted
It has been one hour. I miss food and my stomach just gurgled.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Ken the Bakers Diet update. CHIPS are CRUEL
Good Day all.
Okay so let us get down to business. I am dieting, or health changing or life style changing or what ever the heck you want to call it but I am doing it and I am short tempered and resentful. But not all the time and not right now so I owe an update on Ken the dieting American Baker in Holland surrounded by brownies, red velvet cake, cream cheese frosting, cookies, cinnabuns, chocolate chips, cupcakes of all kinds, candy bars and....wait what was I talking about?
Oh the update on the damn diet.... well it is hard.
Actually first off I must confess that I decided to write this today because my choice was to go jogging or write to you. So I sacrificed my exercise just for YOU. You are welcome.
I have lost seven kilos (about 14 pounds) since December first. Not nearly enough to my goal weight which is ....none of your business because it is FAR OFF and I am embarrassed. As I get closer I may reveal all the numbers. Even Jur doesn't know.
I prefer to use the American pounds on the scale because saying I lost 14 is way more than 7 and I need all the mental trickery I can get to feel motivated.
Since I started the life change diet I have learned a few things.
1) I have learned that I love chips.
Actually it seems I love all things that start with the letter C.... I lie awake in bed thinking about them. coke, candy, cheese, chips, crackers, cream, chocolate, cake, cupcakes, cookies, candy..... I considered writing a book called The No C Diet but then realized if I just spoke Dutch or Spanish I could justify eating it. A cake in Dutch or French would be Torte.
Anyway C is bad, C is calories C is carbs.... avoid the C
2) I have learned that a good way to lose weight is to just not eat as much.... duh right?
3) I have learned that I hate number 2 mentioned above
4) I have learned that all the gourmet food at Pure Market http://www.puremarkt.nl/ is the reason I am over weight. They are too delicious for me to handle. There have been no markets in January and none planned in February and being away from all the deliciousness has easily made my lose 3 kilos I suspect. Jur and I would come home from the market with an abundance of cheeses, bread, BBQ, sauces, wine and so much more. I refer to those as the good old days. Now all we have is lettuce, Activia, fiber cereal and mustard. I refer to these as the dark days of winter.
5) I calorie count now. There is an app for it on my IPhone!
6) First thing I learned was that Red wine has 150 calories a glass..... I wake up in the morning and immediately subtract 300 for my red wine dinner.
9) All you can eat sushi is very hard to calorie count. VERY HARD. And calorie counting chips will make you cry. I now have a serious love hate relationship with chips and I think we need to go to couples counseling together. Chips are cruel.
Still a lot to learn and overcome but have confessed enough.
I want to thank each of you reading this who have :
asked me about my diet
or patted me on the belly
glared at me while I was trying to have a private moment to eat something in peace
or to the one who denied me a burger because he thought it was not good for my diet. (I am not going to name names but his name is Joost and he owns Grill'n Smoke). Their BBQ is delicious but after this incident I question their customer service. http://www.grillnsmoke.nl/node/14
I want to thank all of you who in front of crowds have asked me if I was still dieting,
you are all just wonderful. Just precious
AND I REMEMBER EACH OF YOU ....VERY WELL! I am keeping a journal of each of you. I think of each of you as I sit, cold at night, hungry, clinching my glass of water, counting how many of my approved 8 grapes that I have left to eat for the day.
But all is good, I feel good.
American Baking Company http://www.americanbakingcompany.com/ is good and delicious as ever.
Oh and next blog I will go into details on my reaction to abdication of Queen Beatrix
and the emotional spiral of binge eating it caused me. It involved mayonnaise and cheese and a surprise bag of Doritos. I am not ready to talk about it. And calorie counting the incident was equivalent to an eating walk of shame.
Until the next post I hope you make it a good week and eat something delicious in my honor. OH PLEASE SEND ME A PHOTO or post it on here! I will make a collage and add it to the list of things I will eat when I reach my goal. I will live through you.
Okay so let us get down to business. I am dieting, or health changing or life style changing or what ever the heck you want to call it but I am doing it and I am short tempered and resentful. But not all the time and not right now so I owe an update on Ken the dieting American Baker in Holland surrounded by brownies, red velvet cake, cream cheese frosting, cookies, cinnabuns, chocolate chips, cupcakes of all kinds, candy bars and....wait what was I talking about?
Oh the update on the damn diet.... well it is hard.
Actually first off I must confess that I decided to write this today because my choice was to go jogging or write to you. So I sacrificed my exercise just for YOU. You are welcome.
I have lost seven kilos (about 14 pounds) since December first. Not nearly enough to my goal weight which is ....none of your business because it is FAR OFF and I am embarrassed. As I get closer I may reveal all the numbers. Even Jur doesn't know.
I prefer to use the American pounds on the scale because saying I lost 14 is way more than 7 and I need all the mental trickery I can get to feel motivated.
Since I started the life change diet I have learned a few things.
1) I have learned that I love chips.
Anyway C is bad, C is calories C is carbs.... avoid the C
2) I have learned that a good way to lose weight is to just not eat as much.... duh right?
3) I have learned that I hate number 2 mentioned above
4) I have learned that all the gourmet food at Pure Market http://www.puremarkt.nl/ is the reason I am over weight. They are too delicious for me to handle. There have been no markets in January and none planned in February and being away from all the deliciousness has easily made my lose 3 kilos I suspect. Jur and I would come home from the market with an abundance of cheeses, bread, BBQ, sauces, wine and so much more. I refer to those as the good old days. Now all we have is lettuce, Activia, fiber cereal and mustard. I refer to these as the dark days of winter.
5) I calorie count now. There is an app for it on my IPhone!
6) First thing I learned was that Red wine has 150 calories a glass..... I wake up in the morning and immediately subtract 300 for my red wine dinner.
9) All you can eat sushi is very hard to calorie count. VERY HARD. And calorie counting chips will make you cry. I now have a serious love hate relationship with chips and I think we need to go to couples counseling together. Chips are cruel.
Still a lot to learn and overcome but have confessed enough.
I want to thank each of you reading this who have :
asked me about my diet
or patted me on the belly
glared at me while I was trying to have a private moment to eat something in peace
or to the one who denied me a burger because he thought it was not good for my diet. (I am not going to name names but his name is Joost and he owns Grill'n Smoke). Their BBQ is delicious but after this incident I question their customer service. http://www.grillnsmoke.nl/node/14
I want to thank all of you who in front of crowds have asked me if I was still dieting,
you are all just wonderful. Just precious
AND I REMEMBER EACH OF YOU ....VERY WELL! I am keeping a journal of each of you. I think of each of you as I sit, cold at night, hungry, clinching my glass of water, counting how many of my approved 8 grapes that I have left to eat for the day.
But all is good, I feel good.
American Baking Company http://www.americanbakingcompany.com/ is good and delicious as ever.
Oh and next blog I will go into details on my reaction to abdication of Queen Beatrix
Until the next post I hope you make it a good week and eat something delicious in my honor. OH PLEASE SEND ME A PHOTO or post it on here! I will make a collage and add it to the list of things I will eat when I reach my goal. I will live through you.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Diet Blog #1 How does a over weight Baker diet?
This
is it folks. Be warned. I am writing this high in the sky on the plane
returning fromTexas to Holland and..... I am going on a diet.
YES KEN IS GOING ON A DIET
So how does an overweight baker diet?.... I have no idea.
but sharing the journey with you ( sort of confessing) is a key part of the plan
Here are the rules for YOU:
Be nice
Laugh
Share with others
Motivate (nicely)
Still continue to eat ABC desserts ( will live through you) PLEASE
If there are desserts left over I will eat them and it will be your fault!
Here are the rules for ME:
Be honest
Be candid (not candy)
Commit
Not kill skinny people
Not lie (I just had a small nibble of bacon before I wrote this) (not a whole piece) (see I am trying and being honest)
How did I prepare for this diet?
I ate sooooo much damn food in Texas. Anything and everything. I
celebrated Thanksgiving Day there and ate ate ate. It was my Swan Song
vacation meal. I covered everything from BBQ, Tex Mex, fast food, home cooking , coke, candy,
chocolate. I even ate on the way to the airport just to make sure I got all I could.
I am filled up and now it is time to
cut back!
Why am I doing this diet?
There are many reasons, many many many ...
BE WARNED THIS IS THE CANDID PART...
BE NICE....
I am sick of avoiding windows, mirrors or anything that shows my reflection from the neck down. There are a lot of reflecting things everywhere
I am sick of fighting to get behind people whenever people are taking a picture of me (pretty much every photo in 2012)
(I also hate facebook and photos taken unaware and published where I look like a plump tic ready to pop) (most of 2012)
I
can't bend down with out spreading my legs a bit (which is even more humiliating when
you are reaching down for a piece of fallen food or candy)
I recently had to take a flight on a smaller commercial plane and for the first time EVER I
almost feared the seat belt was too small and I might need an extender
(fortunately I discovered I had grabbed my neighbors belt by mistake)
I have to roll out of bed and small cars
I have a closet full of clothes that sort of do not fit
The list goes on and on ( I will share more as they happen )
How will I do this?
first off I have a goal weight
I will eat less ( which is a challenege since I will be baking A LOT!) (Hell)
When I am angry or gulity or cheat ( or crying) from baking ( a lot) I will just vent it all here (Thank you) (I ate a teaspoon of cream cheese frosting today!) (REALLY)
I will go to bed earlier so I will not snack at night
I will probably be going to bed at 6 pm
I have stocked up on melatonin and sleepy time tea ( which are calorie free! )
I will eat frequent smaller meals (yippie)
Drink lot's of water (whatever the hell that is)
Eat more fruits and veggies (I am looking to see if lemon bars count) (certainly oatmeal raisin cookies do right?)
Control snacking (uggghhhhh this one is tough)
Stretch and exercise
I will pray, meditate, and visualize the fat away
I am entitled to one after work martini a day.... REVISION.... I am entitled to AT LEAST one after work martini a day
AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT ALL WHILE BAKING THE BEST DELICIOUS TREATS IN EUROPE!
What
I will not do is change our recipes, and sacrifice the joy and deliciousness of ABC desserts. This is MY issue. Not my customers.
So promise me you will come and get your delicious brownies, your scrumptious New York
style cheesecakes, your thick and tangy lemon bars, your warm, soft and
chewy chocolate chip cookies, your divine rich and gooey cinnamon buns,
your sweet, sticky, nutty, creamy carrot cake, your dreamy, silky,
triple chocolate cake or the red velvet...... I CAN'T DO THIS!
GOD I AM HUNGRY and it has only been 23 minutes ....
control Ken just breath
Just kidding... I can and will do this so please. Please come
and get it. See me smile with pride at our creations. I will live through you. Sign my pledge to eat dessert in support
of Ken's diet and get a free cookie! Seriously. Spread the word
I need the suppport, we need the business and you get deliciousness. It is a win win
Of
course for the first few weeks I might serve with a smile but be a little grumpy .... But that is part of the process. So please be patient
Oh
here is another reason I am on a diet.... I have found myself counting people
on elevators before I enter and checking the max weight just to make sure it is safe fo me to get on.... Fat paranoia is dreadful
So blog one complete, are you with me? Send to anyone who wants to show me support or who wants to join me journey! Baking and Dieting... oh the journey begins.
Love
the future skinny baker
who is in the kitchen crying
looking at a giant bucket of chocolate chips
Ken
Friday, October 19, 2012
The fat American Baker on a diet
Hello,
Sorry I have been gone for a while
How is life? I hope well.
There was something I wanted to ask you, but before I do, I thought I should catch you up on Dutch Life BUT that would be too long. So I have decided to give a few bullet points about what has happened in life as an American living in Holland since the last post.
I am fat.
I am a full time Baker.
I am a fat Baker that is a small Business Owner (I wish that was reversed)
NO... NO I STILL do not speak Dutch. Get off my ass! It is hard and there are 22 letter words!
I CAN name almost every baking product in Dutch though!
I love everything we bake. I mean I REALLY LOVE it.
I am on a diet.
I am surrounded by chocolate and sugar.
I do bad things alone in the bakery.
I still love Jur!
I am tying to represent America by selling American desserts which is why I am on a diet.
I am a cliche.
I have been told that American Apple Pie is substandard in comparison to the Dutch Apple Taart.... NO MATTER HOW FREAKING HARD I TRY! But I will keep trying.
If one more Dutch person tells me American Desserts are too sweet (and not in a good way which I do not see how anything sweet can be bad) I may jump in a canal. It is a freaking dessert. Is supposed to be sweet!
I am now a fast and fearless Bicycle rider!
I can now carry several bags of groceries while riding my bike .... even in the rain.
I can fall off my bike and get right back on.
I eat fish now (some) ... okay a little. Okay well not that much.
I still hate herring
I love mayonnaise on everything now... I am fat.
Cheese is equal to water. I am fat.
I have discovered that after a long day of work... Martini's are fun. And two are a blast but a bit sloppy. Three and work is awful the next day
I am now part of a traveling Dutch Food Circus Carnival.... I am known as the fat gay loud American selling Cupcakes
I have yelled at a few people... (there are stories here and apologies that may come in the form of later blogs)
I still love Queen Beatrix and Holland
I still miss America and so I eat to sooth myself while watching dutch subtitled episodes of Little House on the Prairie
I watch Modern Family and think the writers are secretly filming me to get stories for the character named Cam (Is this true? Please. Someone just be honest with me!) (It make me feel like I am on the Truman Show)(I am becoming paranoid)
I have traveled and eaten all over Europe. A Lot. (I am the gay Julia Child's)
I still love ice (lot's of ice) and free water. I DEMAND FREE WATER! IN BIG GLASSES!
I am forming a foundation to teach and encourage the Dutch to forms lines in public places
I am also on an anti-dog poo everywhere crusade. I am losing the battle but I lay awake at night plotting my crusade!
Oh....and Jur has recently received some very exciting news but I have to wait for him to let me announce it.... more on that in an upcoming post!
SO I AM BACK, not living a Fairytale but also not suffering from Dutch Depression either so I need a new blog name! Suggestions are welcome... I hope you are still there? I hope we can share and laugh.
So to end the beginning of the new old blog...... the biggest change in my life is that Jur and I have established the American Baking Company... Life handed us lemons (as many of you may know) and we gathered ourselves together made lemon bars... you can check us out on facebook https://www.facebook.com/AmericanBakingCompany or our website and read our story... www.americanbakingcompany.com The baking is exhausting but the pleased customers and the pride in our true American desserts are such a joy. Every day I hope that this will be the day that I will not want to eat our treats but damn they are good! Please feel free come try one. Show up at our door, mention the blog and get a free piece!
Maybe my next blog I will share with you the moment I found my self spread out on the floor in the bakery reaching underneath a counter desperately trying to get a Belgian chocolate chip I dropped. I was frantic in my determination to eat it (even though we have large containers full of them). I flopped around like a giant grub, grunting and stretching in pain until I became breathless and dizzy. I love chocolate..... oh it is shameful.
Anyway we have now scheduled in writing time for this blog each week and I am glad to be back. Hope you are still up for some Dutch, European, Fun, Food, Cultural Stories.
Go make it a good day ya'll!
Ken -aka The Fat Gay American Dutch Screaming Cupcake Pushing Baker in the Hague
Sorry I have been gone for a while
How is life? I hope well.
There was something I wanted to ask you, but before I do, I thought I should catch you up on Dutch Life BUT that would be too long. So I have decided to give a few bullet points about what has happened in life as an American living in Holland since the last post.
I am fat.
I am a full time Baker.
I am a fat Baker that is a small Business Owner (I wish that was reversed)
NO... NO I STILL do not speak Dutch. Get off my ass! It is hard and there are 22 letter words!
I CAN name almost every baking product in Dutch though!
I love everything we bake. I mean I REALLY LOVE it.
I am on a diet.
I am surrounded by chocolate and sugar.
I do bad things alone in the bakery.
I still love Jur!
I am tying to represent America by selling American desserts which is why I am on a diet.
I am a cliche.
I have been told that American Apple Pie is substandard in comparison to the Dutch Apple Taart.... NO MATTER HOW FREAKING HARD I TRY! But I will keep trying.
If one more Dutch person tells me American Desserts are too sweet (and not in a good way which I do not see how anything sweet can be bad) I may jump in a canal. It is a freaking dessert. Is supposed to be sweet!
I am now a fast and fearless Bicycle rider!
I can now carry several bags of groceries while riding my bike .... even in the rain.
I can fall off my bike and get right back on.
I eat fish now (some) ... okay a little. Okay well not that much.
I still hate herring
I love mayonnaise on everything now... I am fat.
Cheese is equal to water. I am fat.
I have discovered that after a long day of work... Martini's are fun. And two are a blast but a bit sloppy. Three and work is awful the next day
I am now part of a traveling Dutch Food Circus Carnival.... I am known as the fat gay loud American selling Cupcakes
I have yelled at a few people... (there are stories here and apologies that may come in the form of later blogs)
I still love Queen Beatrix and Holland
I still miss America and so I eat to sooth myself while watching dutch subtitled episodes of Little House on the Prairie
I watch Modern Family and think the writers are secretly filming me to get stories for the character named Cam (Is this true? Please. Someone just be honest with me!) (It make me feel like I am on the Truman Show)(I am becoming paranoid)
I have traveled and eaten all over Europe. A Lot. (I am the gay Julia Child's)
I still love ice (lot's of ice) and free water. I DEMAND FREE WATER! IN BIG GLASSES!
I am forming a foundation to teach and encourage the Dutch to forms lines in public places
I am also on an anti-dog poo everywhere crusade. I am losing the battle but I lay awake at night plotting my crusade!
Oh....and Jur has recently received some very exciting news but I have to wait for him to let me announce it.... more on that in an upcoming post!
SO I AM BACK, not living a Fairytale but also not suffering from Dutch Depression either so I need a new blog name! Suggestions are welcome... I hope you are still there? I hope we can share and laugh.
So to end the beginning of the new old blog...... the biggest change in my life is that Jur and I have established the American Baking Company... Life handed us lemons (as many of you may know) and we gathered ourselves together made lemon bars... you can check us out on facebook https://www.facebook.com/AmericanBakingCompany or our website and read our story... www.americanbakingcompany.com The baking is exhausting but the pleased customers and the pride in our true American desserts are such a joy. Every day I hope that this will be the day that I will not want to eat our treats but damn they are good! Please feel free come try one. Show up at our door, mention the blog and get a free piece!
Maybe my next blog I will share with you the moment I found my self spread out on the floor in the bakery reaching underneath a counter desperately trying to get a Belgian chocolate chip I dropped. I was frantic in my determination to eat it (even though we have large containers full of them). I flopped around like a giant grub, grunting and stretching in pain until I became breathless and dizzy. I love chocolate..... oh it is shameful.
Anyway we have now scheduled in writing time for this blog each week and I am glad to be back. Hope you are still up for some Dutch, European, Fun, Food, Cultural Stories.
Go make it a good day ya'll!
Ken -aka The Fat Gay American Dutch Screaming Cupcake Pushing Baker in the Hague
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Happy Oscars America! ENJOY DAMMIT!
and I KNOW it is on at 2 in the morning but I was considering that I might be willing to stay up and watch....
so I got up this morning and saw on CNN the count down to the Oscars clock ticking away and I GOT ALL CAUGHT UP in the Oscar fever which for Ken... the ExPat in Holland.... means spending the first two hours of the morning flipping through the weird, slow ass digital guide on the tv which I am certain is always thirty minutes off then I have to keep subtracting 12 from 23 and 12 from 19 and 12 from 21:30 (to figure out the time) because the Oscars start at 5 in LA, which in New York is 8 but then there is the countdown to the red carpet, and the pre red carpet and then for some reason I seem to be having to add the 9 to the time to account for the time difference, I get so confused that I spill my coffee when I dropped the remote. SO then I start getting on the computer in a dismal attempt to google where (or how) in Holland one can watch the Oscar and I spending the next 20 minutes reading all about Holland Michigan and the wonders of life THERE! Who knew Holland Michigan was so active on the internet!!!!!!!!!!! Then I notice the Oscars are on one of the pay channels here .... CLEALRY I NEED TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS CHANNEL! But after rummaging through the Ziggo Cable Paperwork folder in an attempt to see if they provide a 24 hour English speaking telephone number which is open in Sunday (Yes I was desperate and becoming delusional)
I was screwed.
So now there is paper work everywhere, coffee thrown about, some weird Indian Bollywood Movie is on and I am not sure what has happened!
I am looking throw old pictures of past Oscar parties I have been to or thrown in America and I am just so ANGRY I AM VERY TEMPTED TO SCREAM (and wake up Jur) (who has been sleeping through all of this and has no idea what he is about to wake up to).....
Anyhow I may not be watching the Oscars and have been telling myself it is not that big of a deal.... but deep down CLEARLY IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you are all having a good Sunday and happy Oscars to all of America and the 41 million plus viewers that CNN claims will be watching..... :(
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Discombobulated by a Kruidnoten
There are those days. Those tough, confusing, I am walking around and have no idea what the hell I am doing here in Holland days. They are worth writing about but I guess I have been sort of in a daze that I just did not seem to sit down and write. I should say there have also been good Dutch days too. Many of them! I should write about those as well but they are not as fun to tell! My Dutch "job" (ughh more on that later but keep in mind there is only so much work I can get with an American resume and not being able to speak the language!) has also kept me from writing. Plus we are just catching up from our steady stream "let's visit Ken in Holland this summer" visitors from America. (which was exhausting but I was so grateful to see them all).
But yesterday I had a day that was so jarring..... it kicked my butt into the seat to start writing.
Now this all may sound a bit crazy (it does in my mind) but here it goes.
Did I mention to you I have started a cupcake business with Jur here in Holland? Oh yeah! It is true. Besides my money making Dutch degrading job I am pushing cupcakes here in Holland. I never thought I would be a cupcake maker. I LOVE cupcakes but NEVER did I think I would be in Europe perfecting cupcakes and pushing American Baking Goodies on to Europeans. But I am! In fact it has become sort of a therapeutic treatment for me. When I feel lost, lonely, "jonesing" for America or angry at being an immigrant, I bake goodies from America!
This morning it is blueberry coffee crumb cake. I needed to bake this morning after yesterday.
Yesterday I got up and had to go to the store to buy some ingredients for an order of 18 cupcakes that needed to go out. Twelve red velvet (my most popular) and 6 of a new recipe I convinced our customer to try.
Okay side story here. I wanted to introduce the Dutch to Peanut Butter and Jelly Cupcakes. It is a vanilla cupcake with grape jelly in the middle and covered with a peanut butter cream cheese frosting. Very American and unique. I find peanut butter and jelly sandwiches very comforting! I always have. I always will! However there are few problems with this recipe in Holland. Those of you who have read about my early experiences here in Holland may recall a whole chapter I wrote on my search for grape jelly. THERE IS NONE! JUST NONE. NOPE! NOWHERE! NOTHING! NADA! However one of the benefits of having the steady stream of American visitors this summer was that I insisted each of them to bring me a bottle of Welch's grape Jelly! I am not about to waste my grape jelly on cupcakes for people who do not actually like grape jelly. That Jelly is mine! So I replaced the grape jelly with strawberry jam and the cupcake is now called a Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam Cupcake.
The other issue with this new cupcake is explaining Peanut Butter and Jam (Jelly) combination to the Dutch! It seems so strange to them. Despite the fact that they eat Peanut Butter and Chocolate Sprinkles. Despite the fact that they eat all kinds of jams. The putting of the two of them together puzzles them. I also discovered that most of the Dutch have not experienced and are not fond of the combination of Chocolate and Peanut Butter. Like a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup, which I find stunning, unimaginable and almost makes me want to faint. That is like saying you do not like oxygen or, okay, not so dramatically that is like saying you do not like bread! This discovery also poses another problem for me with my next cupcake creation.... my chocolate cupcake filled with peanut butter cream and chocolate frosting with crushed chocolate covered peanuts on top.... IT IS DIVINE! I believe in it!
Oh the frustration of cooking American food in Holland! I could write a whole chapter on me explaining and defending the simple gloriousness of a Rice krispie treat. Who knew I would be forced into spending so much time explaining what a freakin' rice krispie is. How it is not Asian. No it is not an individual kernel of rice that I fried up. It is a cereal! A CEREAL THAT MILLIONS OF MY PEOPLE EAT!
Okay see, I sound crazy....
So anyway we have started a cupcake company here in Holland. We had an order. I had to go to the store for ingredients. So I hop on my bike. Yes, folks, since you have heard from me last I am now a savvy Dutch Bike rider. I can even ride through the city with a bag of groceries. (Well kind of.) So I head to the store. It is crowded as usual. I am on the hunt for Mon Chou. The Dutch version (from France it sounds like) of Philadelphia Cream cheese. Mon Chou, after many, many, many attempts at cream cheese frosting (a must for my red velvet and carrot cake cupcakes) I have found is the best product to use. Actually to give credit where credit is due Jur recommended it after he heard me say over and over that Dutch Roomkaas (something I thought looked like American cream cheese was not working) Mon Chou works, and it tastes delicious I must say. Our cream cheese frosting is just like home.
As I make my way through the Dutch crowded grocery store to the Mon Chou section, I come to a complete stand still. I see something that hits me like a brick wall. KRUIDNOTEN. A giant display of kruidnoten (pronounced crude-note-n). Little ginger cookies that were thrown at me last year by the little black faced elves of St. Nicolas. OH MY GOD! Is it Kruidnoten time again? I remember Kruidnoten were everywhere. At every party, every office. I was given bags of them as gifts. They looked like cookie crisp cereal and tried to eat them with milk in a bowl which doesn't work. They just turn to mush. Lord I had so many Kruidnoten I tried throwing them out for the pigeons but they wanted nothing to do with them. I, too, like the pigeons am not fond of kruidnoten.
Anyway there we were. The Kruidnoten and me. Not even Dutch grocery shoppers bumping into me could break my gaze. I had a flood of emotions and thoughts that overcame me as the Kruidnoten and I stared at each other. My God how long have I been here? Is it Christmas time already? I have been here so long I can recognize seasonal Dutch food. My God I have been here a long time! How long have I lived here? Who am I? Where am I? What is the name of the store? How did I become a cupcake maker in Holland? Where did I park my bike? What is the date? Do I have enough Mon Chou?
Slowly I gathered up all my confusion and my basket and moved onto to the next aisle. But still keeping my eye on the kruidnoten. Then in the next aisle, still in shock, I began searching desperately for any Dutch candy like combination of peanuts and chocolate for my next future creation. That is when I heard a Mother and son talking. They were either British or Australian. The son was expressing his frustration over not recognizing any of the cookies and candy. The Mother responded, sort of out of frustration but also out of sympathy for her son " Darling, I do not know what to say, I am sorry I do not know either. It is all foreign to me, I just don't know." I just looked at them from a few feet away. Pfft....newbies. Poor things. They know nothing!
I decided to ask "Where are you from?"
They seemed a bit shocked that I spoke to them but The Mother replied "England"
"Oh nice. How long have you been here?"
"We moved here one month ago" she said
"It is different, huh? So what are you looking for?"
"Oh my son wants an English Biscuit like we have back home but I just do not see it"
Now I wanted to go off here. Hah! Never, yeah well good luck with that one, There ain't no way! Ain't gonna happen lady, sorry kid. Happy hunting!
But instead I made a few suggestions of close alternatives. The little boy did not seem completely satisfied but I felt like I tried my best. I could not believe I was in a Dutch grocery store helping foreigners find food. How long have I been here? Who am I? Where am I?
I began to walk away and then I stopped. I turned back to the British Mother and son and said "Oh and by the way, have you ever heard of a kruidnoten?"
They both nodded their head no and seemed a bit scared of me. I noticed the Mother pulling her son close to her as I spoke.
I pointed to the display of kruidnoten down at the end of the aisle. "See those? Those are kruidnoten. Get used to them. It is almost Christmas and you are in Holland. they are everywhere! You'll see. Good luck" and I turned and walked away. I am sure they thought I was crazy seeing as how it was September and I was talking about Christmas and strange cookies while carrying a basket full of Mon Chou bars.
When I got home I wanted to tell Jur about my bizarre, eye opening grocery store experience but to be honest I was still trying to figure it all out. Plus every time I come home from the store or ANYWHERE even though it has already been a year and half of living here, I always have some bizarre, eye opening experience. It is exhausting for both of us to hear and experience. So I am kind of at the stage where I keep some of it to myself. Partially to spare Jur the boredom and partially to not get mad at him for not fully understanding and sympathizing with me. Because if he doesn't he better watch the hell out, cause this is all his fault and and and.... well it is not his fault, but sometimes I get so frustrated I do not know how to channel my emotions.
So this time I chose not to tell Jur and besides, we had things to do like make and deliver cupcakes and also to go to the printer to run off copies of a flyer to announce our cupcake delivery service.
We made the cupcakes and I must say Jur, who is not the best cook, has become a master at piping forsting and decorating cupcakes. I cook. He decorates. It works. We made and delivered our cupcakes, made the copies of our flyer but all the while my experience earlier at the grocery was weighing heavily on my mind. It was like I was waking up form a deep coma and trying to figure out where I was. Who I was. Jur asked me a few times if I was okay. I still tried to keep it to myself.
And then...... as we were in the car at a stop light on a tiny side street and I stared ahead at the traffic
passing in front of us... it happened..... a yellow NYC taxi passed in front of me. A REAL NYC YELLOW TAXI! Followed immediately by a Los Angeles Police Cop car, followed right after by a light blue Chicago Police Cop car and then finally two big American Police Motorcycles and here is the kicker.... I swear I SWEAR that Police Motorcycle said San Antonio Police Department. My hometown. I SWEAR! In the Hague. This happened in Holland. Right in front of me. It was like I was in New York, Chicago, San Antonio and Holland all within the blink of an eye!
Okay....now.... I am going to use a bad word here, so excuse me, but this is what uncontrollably came out of my mouth.
"What the fuck was that?"
Words can not express my fear, my confusion, my utter despair as I was coming to terms with the fact that I am hallucinating and that this is the end. I am insane. I am also aware of my insanity and I am not sure what to do about it.
"What the hell was that?"
Now, THANK GOD for Jur. He saw it too. In my hysteria I insisted he weave his way through traffic so we could catch up with my hallucination. We did and, guess what, those damn Cops bikes WERE from the San Antonio Police Department. WHAT!?!? They were being driven by some old Dutch biker gang who I guess collect bikes and cars from the States. I was so freaked out I could not contain myself. I rolled down my window and began shouting at them "Hello! HELLO! I do not speak Dutch but I am from San Antonio! I AM FROM SAN ANTONIO. TEXAS! ME!"
The Dutch Biker just smiled and tried to focus on the road.
We came to a stop at a light and again still hysterical I started yelling "Hello! HELLO! ME! I am from San Antonio. ME SAN ANTONIO. (yes I find not using complete sentences sometimes helps in hysterical situations in a foreign country) Your bike is from my town? What are you doing here? This is confusing me! You are confusing me! I am Texas!
ME. I know your bike!!!!"
Poor Jur just stared at me and the biker just smiled and said "Texas" and then sped off!
Then I could no longer contain myself. My whole day and all my thoughts uncontrollably came out. I started telling Jur everything! Or I tried to. I told him that I am freaking out because of the Kruidnoten display. I said something about Mon Chou but I am not even sure what or why! I told him that I may have freaked out a British Mother and her Child who were looking biscuits. I said something about me not liking blacked faced elves throwing cookies at me. Jur looked scared but I continued and gave a passionate small speech about the wonders Rice krispie treats and chocolate and peanut butter as one of the greatest combinations EVER. I gave him a list of things we needed to do to prepare for Christmas. Finally I explained to him that seeing yellow taxis and Texas Police cars in the Hague is CLEARLY some sort of sign. It had to be right? RIGHT!!!!!!??????
I am sure none of if it made sense and judging from his silence I know it did not.
"SEE!!!!!!!!!!! YOU JUST DO NOT GET IT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT JUR!"
But I did not say that. Instead I came home and made some rice krispie treats!
By the way our customer LOVED the the Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam Cupcakes. She wants more!
All is well and I am not crazy.
But yesterday I had a day that was so jarring..... it kicked my butt into the seat to start writing.
Now this all may sound a bit crazy (it does in my mind) but here it goes.
This morning it is blueberry coffee crumb cake. I needed to bake this morning after yesterday.
Yesterday I got up and had to go to the store to buy some ingredients for an order of 18 cupcakes that needed to go out. Twelve red velvet (my most popular) and 6 of a new recipe I convinced our customer to try.
Okay side story here. I wanted to introduce the Dutch to Peanut Butter and Jelly Cupcakes. It is a vanilla cupcake with grape jelly in the middle and covered with a peanut butter cream cheese frosting. Very American and unique. I find peanut butter and jelly sandwiches very comforting! I always have. I always will! However there are few problems with this recipe in Holland. Those of you who have read about my early experiences here in Holland may recall a whole chapter I wrote on my search for grape jelly. THERE IS NONE! JUST NONE. NOPE! NOWHERE! NOTHING! NADA! However one of the benefits of having the steady stream of American visitors this summer was that I insisted each of them to bring me a bottle of Welch's grape Jelly! I am not about to waste my grape jelly on cupcakes for people who do not actually like grape jelly. That Jelly is mine! So I replaced the grape jelly with strawberry jam and the cupcake is now called a Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam Cupcake.
The other issue with this new cupcake is explaining Peanut Butter and Jam (Jelly) combination to the Dutch! It seems so strange to them. Despite the fact that they eat Peanut Butter and Chocolate Sprinkles. Despite the fact that they eat all kinds of jams. The putting of the two of them together puzzles them. I also discovered that most of the Dutch have not experienced and are not fond of the combination of Chocolate and Peanut Butter. Like a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup, which I find stunning, unimaginable and almost makes me want to faint. That is like saying you do not like oxygen or, okay, not so dramatically that is like saying you do not like bread! This discovery also poses another problem for me with my next cupcake creation.... my chocolate cupcake filled with peanut butter cream and chocolate frosting with crushed chocolate covered peanuts on top.... IT IS DIVINE! I believe in it!
Oh the frustration of cooking American food in Holland! I could write a whole chapter on me explaining and defending the simple gloriousness of a Rice krispie treat. Who knew I would be forced into spending so much time explaining what a freakin' rice krispie is. How it is not Asian. No it is not an individual kernel of rice that I fried up. It is a cereal! A CEREAL THAT MILLIONS OF MY PEOPLE EAT!
Okay see, I sound crazy....
So anyway we have started a cupcake company here in Holland. We had an order. I had to go to the store for ingredients. So I hop on my bike. Yes, folks, since you have heard from me last I am now a savvy Dutch Bike rider. I can even ride through the city with a bag of groceries. (Well kind of.) So I head to the store. It is crowded as usual. I am on the hunt for Mon Chou. The Dutch version (from France it sounds like) of Philadelphia Cream cheese. Mon Chou, after many, many, many attempts at cream cheese frosting (a must for my red velvet and carrot cake cupcakes) I have found is the best product to use. Actually to give credit where credit is due Jur recommended it after he heard me say over and over that Dutch Roomkaas (something I thought looked like American cream cheese was not working) Mon Chou works, and it tastes delicious I must say. Our cream cheese frosting is just like home.
Anyway there we were. The Kruidnoten and me. Not even Dutch grocery shoppers bumping into me could break my gaze. I had a flood of emotions and thoughts that overcame me as the Kruidnoten and I stared at each other. My God how long have I been here? Is it Christmas time already? I have been here so long I can recognize seasonal Dutch food. My God I have been here a long time! How long have I lived here? Who am I? Where am I? What is the name of the store? How did I become a cupcake maker in Holland? Where did I park my bike? What is the date? Do I have enough Mon Chou?
Slowly I gathered up all my confusion and my basket and moved onto to the next aisle. But still keeping my eye on the kruidnoten. Then in the next aisle, still in shock, I began searching desperately for any Dutch candy like combination of peanuts and chocolate for my next future creation. That is when I heard a Mother and son talking. They were either British or Australian. The son was expressing his frustration over not recognizing any of the cookies and candy. The Mother responded, sort of out of frustration but also out of sympathy for her son " Darling, I do not know what to say, I am sorry I do not know either. It is all foreign to me, I just don't know." I just looked at them from a few feet away. Pfft....newbies. Poor things. They know nothing!
I decided to ask "Where are you from?"
They seemed a bit shocked that I spoke to them but The Mother replied "England"
"Oh nice. How long have you been here?"
"We moved here one month ago" she said
"It is different, huh? So what are you looking for?"
"Oh my son wants an English Biscuit like we have back home but I just do not see it"
Now I wanted to go off here. Hah! Never, yeah well good luck with that one, There ain't no way! Ain't gonna happen lady, sorry kid. Happy hunting!
But instead I made a few suggestions of close alternatives. The little boy did not seem completely satisfied but I felt like I tried my best. I could not believe I was in a Dutch grocery store helping foreigners find food. How long have I been here? Who am I? Where am I?
I began to walk away and then I stopped. I turned back to the British Mother and son and said "Oh and by the way, have you ever heard of a kruidnoten?"
They both nodded their head no and seemed a bit scared of me. I noticed the Mother pulling her son close to her as I spoke.
I pointed to the display of kruidnoten down at the end of the aisle. "See those? Those are kruidnoten. Get used to them. It is almost Christmas and you are in Holland. they are everywhere! You'll see. Good luck" and I turned and walked away. I am sure they thought I was crazy seeing as how it was September and I was talking about Christmas and strange cookies while carrying a basket full of Mon Chou bars.
When I got home I wanted to tell Jur about my bizarre, eye opening grocery store experience but to be honest I was still trying to figure it all out. Plus every time I come home from the store or ANYWHERE even though it has already been a year and half of living here, I always have some bizarre, eye opening experience. It is exhausting for both of us to hear and experience. So I am kind of at the stage where I keep some of it to myself. Partially to spare Jur the boredom and partially to not get mad at him for not fully understanding and sympathizing with me. Because if he doesn't he better watch the hell out, cause this is all his fault and and and.... well it is not his fault, but sometimes I get so frustrated I do not know how to channel my emotions.
So this time I chose not to tell Jur and besides, we had things to do like make and deliver cupcakes and also to go to the printer to run off copies of a flyer to announce our cupcake delivery service.
We made the cupcakes and I must say Jur, who is not the best cook, has become a master at piping forsting and decorating cupcakes. I cook. He decorates. It works. We made and delivered our cupcakes, made the copies of our flyer but all the while my experience earlier at the grocery was weighing heavily on my mind. It was like I was waking up form a deep coma and trying to figure out where I was. Who I was. Jur asked me a few times if I was okay. I still tried to keep it to myself.
passing in front of us... it happened..... a yellow NYC taxi passed in front of me. A REAL NYC YELLOW TAXI! Followed immediately by a Los Angeles Police Cop car, followed right after by a light blue Chicago Police Cop car and then finally two big American Police Motorcycles and here is the kicker.... I swear I SWEAR that Police Motorcycle said San Antonio Police Department. My hometown. I SWEAR! In the Hague. This happened in Holland. Right in front of me. It was like I was in New York, Chicago, San Antonio and Holland all within the blink of an eye!
Okay....now.... I am going to use a bad word here, so excuse me, but this is what uncontrollably came out of my mouth.
"What the fuck was that?"
Words can not express my fear, my confusion, my utter despair as I was coming to terms with the fact that I am hallucinating and that this is the end. I am insane. I am also aware of my insanity and I am not sure what to do about it.
"What the hell was that?"
Now, THANK GOD for Jur. He saw it too. In my hysteria I insisted he weave his way through traffic so we could catch up with my hallucination. We did and, guess what, those damn Cops bikes WERE from the San Antonio Police Department. WHAT!?!? They were being driven by some old Dutch biker gang who I guess collect bikes and cars from the States. I was so freaked out I could not contain myself. I rolled down my window and began shouting at them "Hello! HELLO! I do not speak Dutch but I am from San Antonio! I AM FROM SAN ANTONIO. TEXAS! ME!"
We came to a stop at a light and again still hysterical I started yelling "Hello! HELLO! ME! I am from San Antonio. ME SAN ANTONIO. (yes I find not using complete sentences sometimes helps in hysterical situations in a foreign country) Your bike is from my town? What are you doing here? This is confusing me! You are confusing me! I am Texas!
ME. I know your bike!!!!"
Poor Jur just stared at me and the biker just smiled and said "Texas" and then sped off!
Then I could no longer contain myself. My whole day and all my thoughts uncontrollably came out. I started telling Jur everything! Or I tried to. I told him that I am freaking out because of the Kruidnoten display. I said something about Mon Chou but I am not even sure what or why! I told him that I may have freaked out a British Mother and her Child who were looking biscuits. I said something about me not liking blacked faced elves throwing cookies at me. Jur looked scared but I continued and gave a passionate small speech about the wonders Rice krispie treats and chocolate and peanut butter as one of the greatest combinations EVER. I gave him a list of things we needed to do to prepare for Christmas. Finally I explained to him that seeing yellow taxis and Texas Police cars in the Hague is CLEARLY some sort of sign. It had to be right? RIGHT!!!!!!??????
I am sure none of if it made sense and judging from his silence I know it did not.
"SEE!!!!!!!!!!! YOU JUST DO NOT GET IT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT JUR!"
But I did not say that. Instead I came home and made some rice krispie treats!
All is well and I am not crazy.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Eurovision 2010 the American Idol of Europe this year being hosted in Norway .. Eurovision .. bigger than the Super Bowl !
EUROVISION! Have you ever heard of it? I LOVE EUROVISION! It is coming up at the end of May and I am SOOOOO EXCITED! I had NEVER heard of it until I moved here last year. ALL of Europe participates! If you have not heard of it than I am honored to introduce you all to ....EUROVISION!
Every country in Europe (and there are more than you think) like of course, Germany, France, Spain etc ., but also countries like Moldova, Lithuania, Estonia, Azerbaijan and Malta. EVERY COUNTRY in Europe sends a music performance to Eurovision. They all hold contests in their individual countries to choose their best performer to represent their countries! And they go all out to try and win. For example last year Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the song for England. OH!!!!....and people like Celine Dion performed for Eurovision. In fact she got discovered representing France on Eurovison and won (1989)! AND.... ABBA got it's start on Eurovision and won in 1974! See it is big! In fact Super Bowl 2009 had 109 million viewer (a lot!) BUT Eurovision 2010 had 114 million viewers! See it is REALLY big!
Last year the Eurovision was held in Moscow because they won Eurovision the year before. This year it is in Norway because a young Norwegian Boy won and NOW.... JUST FOR YOU BACK IN THE STATES (or anyone from around the world).... here is his live video performance from Eurovision Contest 2009 Enjoy! (and notice he is singing in English!)
It was a great song. I think he won cause he is cute. Okay, the way it works is that EVERY country in Europe has a contest to choose their Eurovision song contest representative. The winners all meet up in some country (last year’s winner’s country) and bring huge costumes and sets with them. The week of the contest they have semi final rounds live on TV and the entire Continent of Europe (except those countries participating in the semi-final) get to call in a vote who should move on. All done LIVE, all voting done in ONE HOUR and the seven countries (from EACH semi finals) going on to finals are announced that SAME night. The semi finals are Monday, Wednesday, Friday and the FINALS are Saturday! It is huge. Everyone watches or knows about it. There end up being 21 countries in the finals! At the finals they perform. All countries in Europe vote and then via satellite a representative from each country in Europe announces who their country voted for third place, second place and first place. Points are awarded for each place. A country cannot vote for their own entry. The points are then added up and the country with the most votes wins EUROVISION!
Now as with anything there is controversy.... The Western Countries feel the Eastern block countries favor countries from their region and vote for the countries in their region. I think it is HILARIOUS! All the passion and rivalry that Eurovision brings out! Now some countries choose to go main stream. It is amazing how so many of the songs are in English! I was shocked. BUT the funniest and most entertaining for me was how some of the music was REALLY GOOD....and some so god awful CHEESY! Like check these out:
Sweden...First off she is very UNIQUE looking (very muscular)(like a viking) BUT listen to her voice especially at the end I think she is pretty darn good… and it cracks me up because she is Swedish singing a song half in English and half in French in a contest in Russia and I am an American watching it in Holland sitting next to an Irishman while eating tapas! It is all confusing, intriguing, and a lot for an American to take in. Here she is:
Now one of my favorites (as I got sucked in the Eurovision 2009 and developed Eurovision fever) was Armenia....I mean who knew Armenia had such interesting music. Now these ladies had good voices, good choreography and cool costumes. (I voted for them). They made it to the finals. I even got so obsessed with them that I downloaded their song on iTunes….
YES AMERICAN FOLKS THAST RIGHT you CAN download the Eurovision finalist songs on iTUNES!
Anyway these Armenian (Sisters) are singing half the song in Armenian and half in English. I do not know why they sing in English but I am grateful (btw this song is great to work out with at the gym) so here they are..... MY 2009 favorite....Armenia! (It gets better and better just listen!)
Just a few more that are worth watching:
France...Oh so French.... A modern version of Edith Piaf (there is a Spanish TV intro to this video)
Moldova was very Moldavian (you know those Moldavians!).... Notice the Moldavian Rap!...sort of. YES FOLKS.....Maldivians RAP! So here is Rapping in traditional Moldavian costumes... Ladies and gentlemen I present Moldova..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GGIYX-ClQ4
Now one last one.... I really liked this girl and song from Portugal. I bought her song too...
OH ALL RIGHT...I have a confession.... I bought EVERY song from every finalist on iTunes. I became obsessed! I admit it...
Now the young lady from Portugal sings in Portuguese and I do not know what the heck she is saying but I like her and she sounds pretty and she makes me want to go to Portugal and drink Port wine! She also got very emotional when singing in the finals. It was very touching.
A few others to mention are Ukraine, Israel, Malta and Turkey. The men who run my Winkel (Dutch for Corner Store) are from Turkey and they were VERY excited by the Woman singing for Turkey. She was good(Chakira-esque). I am telling you these performers are all mega stars in their own countries! You can Google YouTube (the country) 2009 Eurovision to check out YOUR favorite country AND NOW you can do the same now for the 2010 contestants (at the moment I like Ireland).
Eurovision is like the Miss Universe pageant of music! Except only in Europe! (Those close to me know I love me a Pageant (don't judge!)) (except Baby Pageants or little girl ones like on Toddler and Tiaras... Do ya'll know that show? Uggh they show it here in EUROPE! WHY? It is really disturbing and makes the U.S. look a bit insane!)
I guess I am so entertained by EUROVISION because of the diversity, the quality, and the cultures. Also how some countries were so good and some were just awful AND how at thirty (something) I had NEVER heard of this! EUROVISION is really big. I am so excited about Eurovision that this year I am hosting a Eurovision party. I have Dutch, Americans and a few English coming over. I am serving Mexican. We are all cheering for our countries (except me as an American) and, I have to say, although I live in Holland now.... I am not rooting for Holland…. Last year’s Dutch entry was... well.... embarrassing .... and unfortunately this year is not much better…. The Dutch have “different” taste in music.... Alright I am not going to sugar coat it: last year the Dutch entry was just plain awful and tacky! BUT that is part of what makes Eurovision GREAT and ENTERTAINING! So for your enjoyment.... here they are.... The Dutch.....
I hope you all can watch Eurovision this year! It starts the last week of May broadcasting from Oslo Norway on possibly one of the BBC channels and throughout Europe!
P.S.: The next big entertainment thing in Europe after Eurovision is the World Cup soccer. Which occurs only every 4 years... I am scared because major plans are already being made throughout Europe. I am sure I will be writing about that.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
EUROVISION..... 2010.... Norway.... The European American Idol!
EUROVISION! Have you ever heard of it? I LOVE EUROVISION! It is coming up at the end of May and I am SOOOOO EXCITED! I had NEVER heard of it until I moved here last year. ALL of Europe participates! If you have not heard of it than I am honored to introduce you all to ....EUROVISION!
Every country in Europe (and there are more than you think) like of course, Germany, France, Spain etc ., but also countries like Moldova, Lithuania, Estonia, Azerbaijan and Malta. EVERY COUNTRY in Europe sends a music performance to Eurovision. They all hold contests in their individual countries to choose their best performer to represent their countries! And they go all out to try and win. For example last year Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the song for England. OH!!!!....and people like Celine Dion performed for Eurovision. In fact she got discovered representing France on Eurovison and won (1989)! AND.... ABBA got it's start on Eurovision and won in 1974! See it is big!
Last year the Eurovision was held in Moscow because they won Eurovision the year before. This year it is in Norway because a young Norwegian Boy won and NOW.... JUST FOR YOU BACK IN THE STATES (or anyone from around the world).... here is his live video performance from Eurovision Contest 2009 Enjoy! (and notice he is singing in English!)
http://www.izlesene.com/video/muzik-2009-eurovision-birincisi-norvec/922964
It was a great song. I think he won cause he is cute. Okay, the way it works is that EVERY country in Europe has a contest to choose their Eurovision song contest representative. The winners all meet up in some country (last year’s winner’s country) and bring huge costumes and sets with them. The week of the contest they have semi final rounds live on TV and the entire Continent of Europe (except those countries participating in the semi-final) get to call in a vote who should move on. All done LIVE, all voting done in ONE HOUR and the seven countries (from EACH semi finals) going on to finals are announced that SAME night. The semi finals are Monday, Wednesday, Friday and the FINALS are Saturday! It is huge. Everyone watches or knows about it. There end up being 21 countries in the finals! At the finals they perform. All countries in Europe vote and then via satellite a representative from each country in Europe announces who their country voted for third place, second place and first place. Points are awarded for each place. A country cannot vote for their own entry. The points are then added up and the country with the most votes wins EUROVISION!
Now as with anything there is controversy.... The Western Countries feel the Eastern block countries favor countries from their region and vote for the countries in their region. I think it is HILARIOUS! All the passion and rivalry that Eurovision brings out! Now some countries choose to go main stream. It is amazing how so many of the songs are in English! I was shocked. BUT the funniest and most entertaining for me was how some of the music was REALLY GOOD....and some so god awful CHEESY! Like check these out:
Sweden...First off she is very UNIQUE looking (very muscular)(like a viking) BUT listen to her voice especially at the end I think she is pretty darn good… and it cracks me up because she is Swedish singing a song half in English and half in French in a contest in Russia and I am an American watching it in Holland sitting next to an Irishman while eating tapas! It is all confusing, intriguing, and a lot for an American to take in. Here she is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP07YbJCSAI
Now one of my favorites (as I got sucked in the Eurovision 2009 and developed Eurovision fever) was Armenia....I mean who knew Armenia had such interesting music. Now these ladies had good voices, good choreography and cool costumes. (I voted for them). They made it to the finals. I even got so obsessed with them that I downloaded their song on iTunes….
YES AMERICAN FOLKS THAST RIGHT you CAN download the Eurovision finalist songs on iTUNES!
Anyway these Armenian (Sisters) are singing half the song in Armenian and half in English. I do not know why they sing in English but I am grateful (btw this song is great to work out with at the gym) so here they are..... MY 2009 favorite....Armenia! (It gets better and better just listen!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gapoY1L5sbA&feature=related
Just a few more that are worth watching:
France...Oh so French.... A modern version of Edith Piaf (there is a Spanish TV intro to this video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x22BUFyWX1I
Moldova was very Moldavian (you know those Moldavians!).... Notice the Moldavian Rap!...sort of. YES FOLKS.....Maldivians RAP! So here is Rapping in traditional Moldavian costumes... Ladies and gentlemen I present Moldova..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GGIYX-ClQ4
Now one last one.... I really liked this girl and song from Portugal. I bought her song too...
OH ALL RIGHT...I have a confession.... I bought EVERY song from every finalist on iTunes. I became obsessed! I admit it...
Now the young lady from Portugal sings in Portuguese and I do not know what the heck she is saying but I like her and she sounds pretty and she makes me want to go to Portugal and drink Port wine! She also got very emotional when singing in the finals. It was very touching.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNYBYH3bZFI&feature=related
A few others to mention are Ukraine, Israel, Malta and Turkey. The men who run my Winkel (Dutch for Corner Store) are from Turkey and they were VERY excited by the Woman singing for Turkey. She was good(Chakira-esque). I am telling you these performers are all mega stars in their own countries! You can Google YouTube (the country) 2009 Eurovision to check out YOUR favorite country AND NOW you can do the same now for the 2010 contestants (at the moment I like Ireland).
Eurovision is like the Miss Universe pageant of music! Except only in Europe! (Those close to me know I love me a Pageant (don't judge!)) (except Baby Pageants or little girl ones like on Toddler and Tiaras... Do ya'll know that show? Uggh they show it here in EUROPE! WHY? It is really disturbing and makes the U.S. look a bit insane!)
I guess I am so entertained by EUROVISION because of the diversity, the quality, and the cultures. Also how some countries were so good and some were just awful AND how at thirty (something) I had NEVER heard of this! EUROVISION is really big. I am so excited about Eurovision that this year I am hosting a Eurovision party. I have Dutch, Americans and a few English coming over. I am serving Mexican. We are all cheering for our countries (except me as an American) and, I have to say, although I live in Holland now.... I am not rooting for Holland…. Last year’s Dutch entry was... well.... embarrassing .... and unfortunately this year is not much better…. The Dutch have “different” taste in music.... Alright I am not going to sugar coat it: last year the Dutch entry was just plain awful and tacky! BUT that is part of what makes Eurovision GREAT and ENTERTAINING! So for your enjoyment.... here they are.... The Dutch.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXflKHw5MGA&feature=related
I hope you all can watch Eurovision this year! It starts the last week of May broadcasting from Oslo Norway on possibly one of the BBC channels and throughout Europe!
P.S.: The next big entertainment thing in Europe after Eurovision is the World Cup soccer. Which occurs only every 4 years... I am scared because major plans are already being made throughout Europe. I am sure I will be writing about that.
Every country in Europe (and there are more than you think) like of course, Germany, France, Spain etc ., but also countries like Moldova, Lithuania, Estonia, Azerbaijan and Malta. EVERY COUNTRY in Europe sends a music performance to Eurovision. They all hold contests in their individual countries to choose their best performer to represent their countries! And they go all out to try and win. For example last year Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the song for England. OH!!!!....and people like Celine Dion performed for Eurovision. In fact she got discovered representing France on Eurovison and won (1989)! AND.... ABBA got it's start on Eurovision and won in 1974! See it is big!
Last year the Eurovision was held in Moscow because they won Eurovision the year before. This year it is in Norway because a young Norwegian Boy won and NOW.... JUST FOR YOU BACK IN THE STATES (or anyone from around the world).... here is his live video performance from Eurovision Contest 2009 Enjoy! (and notice he is singing in English!)
http://www.izlesene.com/video/muzik-2009-eurovision-birincisi-norvec/922964
It was a great song. I think he won cause he is cute. Okay, the way it works is that EVERY country in Europe has a contest to choose their Eurovision song contest representative. The winners all meet up in some country (last year’s winner’s country) and bring huge costumes and sets with them. The week of the contest they have semi final rounds live on TV and the entire Continent of Europe (except those countries participating in the semi-final) get to call in a vote who should move on. All done LIVE, all voting done in ONE HOUR and the seven countries (from EACH semi finals) going on to finals are announced that SAME night. The semi finals are Monday, Wednesday, Friday and the FINALS are Saturday! It is huge. Everyone watches or knows about it. There end up being 21 countries in the finals! At the finals they perform. All countries in Europe vote and then via satellite a representative from each country in Europe announces who their country voted for third place, second place and first place. Points are awarded for each place. A country cannot vote for their own entry. The points are then added up and the country with the most votes wins EUROVISION!
Now as with anything there is controversy.... The Western Countries feel the Eastern block countries favor countries from their region and vote for the countries in their region. I think it is HILARIOUS! All the passion and rivalry that Eurovision brings out! Now some countries choose to go main stream. It is amazing how so many of the songs are in English! I was shocked. BUT the funniest and most entertaining for me was how some of the music was REALLY GOOD....and some so god awful CHEESY! Like check these out:
Sweden...First off she is very UNIQUE looking (very muscular)(like a viking) BUT listen to her voice especially at the end I think she is pretty darn good… and it cracks me up because she is Swedish singing a song half in English and half in French in a contest in Russia and I am an American watching it in Holland sitting next to an Irishman while eating tapas! It is all confusing, intriguing, and a lot for an American to take in. Here she is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP07YbJCSAI
Now one of my favorites (as I got sucked in the Eurovision 2009 and developed Eurovision fever) was Armenia....I mean who knew Armenia had such interesting music. Now these ladies had good voices, good choreography and cool costumes. (I voted for them). They made it to the finals. I even got so obsessed with them that I downloaded their song on iTunes….
YES AMERICAN FOLKS THAST RIGHT you CAN download the Eurovision finalist songs on iTUNES!
Anyway these Armenian (Sisters) are singing half the song in Armenian and half in English. I do not know why they sing in English but I am grateful (btw this song is great to work out with at the gym) so here they are..... MY 2009 favorite....Armenia! (It gets better and better just listen!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gapoY1L5sbA&feature=related
Just a few more that are worth watching:
France...Oh so French.... A modern version of Edith Piaf (there is a Spanish TV intro to this video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x22BUFyWX1I
Moldova was very Moldavian (you know those Moldavians!).... Notice the Moldavian Rap!...sort of. YES FOLKS.....Maldivians RAP! So here is Rapping in traditional Moldavian costumes... Ladies and gentlemen I present Moldova..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GGIYX-ClQ4
Now one last one.... I really liked this girl and song from Portugal. I bought her song too...
OH ALL RIGHT...I have a confession.... I bought EVERY song from every finalist on iTunes. I became obsessed! I admit it...
Now the young lady from Portugal sings in Portuguese and I do not know what the heck she is saying but I like her and she sounds pretty and she makes me want to go to Portugal and drink Port wine! She also got very emotional when singing in the finals. It was very touching.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNYBYH3bZFI&feature=related
A few others to mention are Ukraine, Israel, Malta and Turkey. The men who run my Winkel (Dutch for Corner Store) are from Turkey and they were VERY excited by the Woman singing for Turkey. She was good(Chakira-esque). I am telling you these performers are all mega stars in their own countries! You can Google YouTube (the country) 2009 Eurovision to check out YOUR favorite country AND NOW you can do the same now for the 2010 contestants (at the moment I like Ireland).
Eurovision is like the Miss Universe pageant of music! Except only in Europe! (Those close to me know I love me a Pageant (don't judge!)) (except Baby Pageants or little girl ones like on Toddler and Tiaras... Do ya'll know that show? Uggh they show it here in EUROPE! WHY? It is really disturbing and makes the U.S. look a bit insane!)
I guess I am so entertained by EUROVISION because of the diversity, the quality, and the cultures. Also how some countries were so good and some were just awful AND how at thirty (something) I had NEVER heard of this! EUROVISION is really big. I am so excited about Eurovision that this year I am hosting a Eurovision party. I have Dutch, Americans and a few English coming over. I am serving Mexican. We are all cheering for our countries (except me as an American) and, I have to say, although I live in Holland now.... I am not rooting for Holland…. Last year’s Dutch entry was... well.... embarrassing .... and unfortunately this year is not much better…. The Dutch have “different” taste in music.... Alright I am not going to sugar coat it: last year the Dutch entry was just plain awful and tacky! BUT that is part of what makes Eurovision GREAT and ENTERTAINING! So for your enjoyment.... here they are.... The Dutch.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXflKHw5MGA&feature=related
I hope you all can watch Eurovision this year! It starts the last week of May broadcasting from Oslo Norway on possibly one of the BBC channels and throughout Europe!
P.S.: The next big entertainment thing in Europe after Eurovision is the World Cup soccer. Which occurs only every 4 years... I am scared because major plans are already being made throughout Europe. I am sure I will be writing about that.
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